oh, brother...

I always thought I'd have 4 boys. I'd say don't ask, but I took that pin and string test in 7th grade at a slumber party and it said I was going to have 4 boys. The notion stuck with me ever since. After I had Oliver, I didn't really want anymore children. I was so head-over-heels in love with him, that I didn't want to share him with anyone. I truly didn't think I had enough love in my heart to love another child as much as I loved Oliver. My heart was so consumed with loving Oliver, there was no way it had any more room. Then, we decided to give Oliver a sibling. Michael really wanted another baby and we both come from a family of 3. The thought of Oliver being an only child made me sad. I enjoyed having siblings and Michael did too, and I was sad that Oliver wouldn't have that same experience. I read that Time article about how siblings shape our lives more than our parents and I gave in. We had Lennon. And to my surprise, I feel in love with her instantly. I love her just as much as I love Oliver. It wasn't a matter of size with my heart, it just grew bigger. I know it may sound funny, but those of you who have children may understand. The love you fee for your children is hard to explain with words, but it's the most wonderful, precious love you can feel. It's a love that's unselfish, forgiving, caring, has no boundaries, and will last forever. So, I guess that means my heart has room to love one more little one...

it's not work if you love it...

My sister is doing it. She's taking her passion and love and making a business out of it. I admire her. Isn't that what we all would love to do?

Check her out at Ryan Flores Photography

i. hate. laundry...

I. Hate. Laundry. Period. For those of you who know me, I'm a total clean freak. Serious clean freak. Freakishly clean freak. I'm always cleaning, tidying up, wiping up...cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. It's an obsession. Serious obsession. I can't stop. Not a healthy one - probably - but an obession all the same. I'm a bit OCD when it comes to my house. But laundry, I hate. Seriously. H. A. T. E. Hate. I can clean the clothes all damn day, but don't expect me to actually fold them an put them away. And since having children, it seems the task of laundry has gotten more difficult for me. I have piles (and I mean piles) of clean laundry on top of the ironing board, the baby bassinet (don't ask why we haven't actually stored that away), the futon, the chair, the shelves in my closet. You name it - I pile laundry on top of it. The ONLY time it gets folded is if we have company coming over. Then I hurry like the dickens to get it all folded OR I end up throwing it ALL in my closet so the place looks clean. If only I could have the power to blink my eyes and make it all disappear. Ahh, that would be nice.

imperfectly perfect love...

Ok, so I admit it. Sometimes I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I mean, I love, love, love being a mom. It's the best. Truly. It's a love I've never known and cherish every moment. I've always wanted to be a mom. But sometimes, I wonder how the hell I got here and what the hell am I doing. I don't always get it right. I might even very rarely get it right. And shit, it feels good to say that and it feels good to know that other mom's feel the same way. Do you? Yeah, sometimes my kids go to bed wayyyyy to late on a school night. Sometimes, they eat cereal for dinner because that's what they want and I don't want to argue. Sometimes, I let them watch TV from the moment we get home until they fall asleep. Sometimes, I bribe with the lovely idea of sugar tasties. I make mistakes. I'm not perfect. I don't always get it right, but I love my kids. I love them forever and unconditionally. And, I tell them I love them. Everyday. All the time. I guess I give them the imperfectly perfect love that only I know how to give.

maybe therapy won't be necessary...

Do you ever wonder how you can have one of those really bad mommy moments, where you're yelling at your kids (and they're yelling and crying too) and you're frustrated, and you're ready to run screaming out the door and down the street. You start to feel guilty and wonder which neighbor is calling CPS and which Lifetime movie your life resembles. But then, everyone calms down and your little one says or does something so sweet and lovely, that it's all forgotten. Your heart melts and you remember why you decided to become a mom and how much you love it, no matter how damn hard it is. But you question yourself, will he or she remember this horrible moment? Should I start looking up therapists now?

Then I stop wondering and remember, it's the good things we remember not the bad. And, at the end of the day, it's all about how we love and care for each other. It's the small things. We all make mistakes. I'm still learning how to be a Mom of two, plus juggle being a wife and work, and life. I'll always be a student, needing to learn more, but as long as I learn from my mistakes and make the good moments really GOOD, then maybe, just maybe, my children won't need a therapist after all.

happy 2010...

Happy New Year! Can you believe it's 2010? My husband and I recalled all the things we did in the last 10 years...got engaged, graduated college, got married, got careers, bought a house, and had 2 kids. I wonder what we'll complete in the next 10 years!

I know, most people make new years resolutions every year and don't ever complete them. I used to do the same. Now I just make goals for myself. Nothing measurable, just simple goals I know I can complete and be happy with.

1. Be a better Mom - be a good role model
2. Be a better wife - show and tell him I love him more (and shop less)
3. Be a better daughter, sister, and friend - call more, text more, listen more
4. Be happy, be peaceful, be loving, stay positive, and be a better person (and try to forgive)
5. Take better care of myself and my family, be healthier (eat less sugar), and try to be more fit (if my knee allows it)

I hope your new year brings you peace, love, and much happiness! XOXO