mrs. sailor potty mouth...

Those of you who know me, know I have a VERY BAD potty mouth. Seriously, I can probably out cuss a sailor and I'm working on out drinking a sailor these days too (hey, I was dry for 9 months). Some how I manage NOT to say the following while I'm at work (although, I know my kids had heard and said worse): fu*king, sh*t, c*nt, as*hole, piece of sh*t, mother fu*ker, holy sh*t, and Jesus Christ (just to name a few). I'm a mother of two now and trying really hard to set a good example (mind you, I'm only trying - sending your kids to therapy isn't that bad, right). So, these are the new words I'm working on. What do you think???
Instead of "Jesus Christ", I'm using "cheese and rice" (clever, I might say)
Instead of "Mother Fu*ker", I'm using "Mother F-er"
Instead of "Fu*k", I'm using "Fudge-a maroni"
Instead of "sh*t", I'm using "Holy mittens"
Instead of "as*hole", I'm using "bung-hol-e-o"
Instead of "c*nt", I'm using "vjay-jay or hoo-hoo" (doesn't have the same ring though when you're driving in traffic).

Why the sudden change? Well, Oliver is talking ALOT these days and he likes to repeat just about anything and everything he hears. Although, the other day we heard him say "darn-it and dang-it". Umm, hello! We don't even use those words in our house - they're not sailor enough. I don't know what Dora's been teaching him...

never say never...

Not sure if it's the post-partum blues or the fact that I'm getting OLDER (hate saying that), but I've been dying for a change in my appearance. I totally want to cut off my hair (Posh style), die it super blonde on top and keep it dark on bottom, get a super dark tan, get my nails done, and wax my eyebrows (seriously, they're starting to look like Mike's) and hoo-hoo. But all I do is dream, cause I'm a big chicken and getting cheap these days. Well, not that cheap cause I don't have a problem spending my money on cute clothes for the kids. Hello! Lennon's closet looks better than mine! Do all Mom's do this? Neglect themselves so their kids can look cute? I did this after Oliver was born too. I ended up cutting my hair super short with bangs (well, short for me) and cried for a week cause I hated it. I told Mike, promise me that you'll NEVER let me cut my hair short again or get bangs. He reminded me of the promise yesterday. Did I say never? Pregnancy does a number on you - emotionally and physically. I guess I just want to look 18 again, but I think that would involve Botox and a boob job. Hmm...

it's not going to kill him...

"It's not going to kill him." That's my new catch phrase. Oh, and also "awesome blossom super fantastic!" (if you watch The Soup, you'll know where that come from). So, we're swimming at my mother-in-laws today (minus the in-laws and I'm with my Mom and my sister's kids). We're all in the pool and I turn around and Oliver is eating something. My first thought is GROSS and WTF? Immediately I ask him, "where did you get that" and Oliver points to the pool bag. Oh. It's a lollipop, from-who-knows-how-long-ago, with a lovely piece of dog hair attached. Yum. He's adamant about not giving it to me. So, I tell him to rinse it off in the pool and I hope he enjoys the stale taste of watermelon and chlorine. I tell my mom, "It's not going to kill him to eat it."

potty training 101...

We're in the midst of potty training Oliver, which isn't going as planned. He's really not ready, but we're still encouraging him and trying to be patient (yes, we've tried stickers, lollipops, toys, cool undies - I've read all the books). We decided to give praise and treats for "trying" to potty, after this little stunt...

Oliver sat on the potty, grunted, and then asked for a lollipop. We told him, "no lollipop because we need to see tee-tee or poo-poo 'in' the potty". Opps! Rephrase that! We caught him trying to squeeze and wring the tee-tee out of his diaper into the potty for a lollipop! Hello! Kuddos for following directions - he was trying to put something "in" the potty. Is it possible for a 3 year old to be smarter than his parents?

america's parent problem...

As most of you know, I'm a teacher in a Title I school, which means about 90% of the kids are on free or reduced lunch. The area is low income, actually one of the poorest elementary schools in the district. That means I have kids who's parents are in jail, kids who don't eat dinner at night, kids who share a couch at night with two other siblings, kids who's parents are drug addicts, kids who's parents are really young and uneducated, and kids who are accustomed to abuse. The list could go on. I love my job as a teacher, everyday is never the same. Talk about a challenge. In addition to actually teaching the children, I'm also there to provide a safe and loving environment. Sometimes, school is the only place these kids can feel safe.

Anyhoo, I read an editorial in the local newspaper, written by Leonard Pitts Jr. I truly enjoy his editorials and he always hits the topic right on. I find him a bit inspiring. I found something in his editorial today that hit close to home for me. I quote Tony Hopson Sr., founder of SEI...

"At-risk kids go home to at-risk parents. We do not have a youth problem in America; we have an adult problem in America. So unless you also begin to follow kids home and impact what's happening in the home site, you can't arrest the problem."

In this job, I find myself asking all of the time. How come you have to have a license to drive and to fish, but ANYBODY can be a parent?

happy 4th...

Happy 4th of July!

trying new things...

I'm trying out new backgrounds and ideas for my blog. If you're interested, here's the getup (and it's FREE)...

http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com

http://www.leeloublogs.blogspot.com/

http://scrapblog.com/

http://www.onetruemedia.com/